How To Get Your Needs Met In A Relationship
Have you ever been in a situation where you have felt your relationship with your partner is lacking something? That is, you feel alone even if you are together. It's like the warmth of love has faded away, and all that's left are reasons to be angry and upset at your partner. You want to resolve the issue but instead, you're met with stonewalling or excuses. You deserve the love you have been looking for.
In this blog post, I will discuss a strategy to get your needs met by your partner without confrontation or agitation.
The love you deserve is out there and you’re not asking for too much, it's just a matter of finding the right person. It is important to remember that you only have control over one person, and that is you. You have no control over his behaviour and actions (it’s unfortunate, I know!), so the quicker you realise and accept this, the less emotionally drained you’ll feel.
Being able to release the desire to want to control someone will create space for joy, abundance, and self-care, which is what you need to prioritise to embody the woman you want to be and the woman he desires to want to be with. Where we, as women can get stuck, is if we get too entangled with our bruised ego (how dare he cancel our date last minute?! He must think I’m a joke. Or – he has not called me for 4 days and I don’t know what to do. He must not be interested. Am I that unlikeable?)
“You deserve the kind of love that will make you believe in love.”
Over the years, I've learned that we can catastrophize scenarios in our heads and work ourselves up to the point where our minds get foggy and we behave purely based on our emotions – which in most cases – is not helpful!
Instead, I would recommend you try these strategies:
be clear about what you need
Be clear about what you need—and how you want it done. There is a Dutch saying that I use all the time – ‘Nee heb je, Ja kun je krijgen’. This translates to “nothing ventured, nothing gained”, which in this context could be translated to “You never know until you ask!”. You would be surprised how much a man is willing to do for you if you allow him. Men tend to enjoy being ‘fixers’ or offering value in some way, whether it’s through providing knowledge or expertise, being of service, or making your life more convenient (i.e. ordering your lunch while you’re busy at work, arranging a driver for your trip to the airport etc.). All that is needed is timing, tact, and reciprocation.
2. reciprocate the energy you want
Reciprocate the energy you want. Be objective and consider how you make him feel and whether you are attending to his needs as well. You cannot expect him to continuously pour into you if you do not pour into him as well. It goes both ways. How do you speak to him? Do you hold space for him? Are you too intrusive? Have you done anything nice for him lately? (even if it’s a sending him an unexpected beautifully spoken voicenote, treating him to a day out and do something he enjoys doing – even if it’s not something you’re interested in etc)
3. don’t take things personally
Don't take things personally—even if they are personal! Remember that everyone has their own issues and baggage that affects their behaviour, so don't assume anything about why they're behaving in a certain way unless they tell you outright. Ask questions but know when to park a conversation and pick it back up at a later stage.
“Extend Some Grace”
We all want to be heard, seen, valued, and understood. So, sometimes we have to extend some grace but be guided in our actions. That’s where the unmatched transformation coaching program comes in – the more you increase your self-awareness and have an understanding of your triggers and where you get stuck, the less likely you’ll find yourself in repeated cycles and know how to manoeuvre situations without the emotional overwhelm.
You’re welcome to reach out to me when you’re ready.
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